Sunday, October 31, 2010

A joker's taboo

Yo all ..
After watching the documentary on taboo , I decided to write my taboo ... Whether u disagree or agree this is what I'm thinking :) don't come to me to counsel me ... Cos words are sometimes pretty useless to me ... And I said sometimes lol
Ok here goes ... Some ppl just don't get me ... Why does this girl goes all the way out for ppl that she's not close with ?? Why would she starve to save to buy presents on occasion or why is she such a joker ... To get our attention by just being a plain attention seeker ?? Or just some plain middle child syndrome ?? Lol
It all trace back when I was in primary school ... Since young I had the gift or curse of the gab while my sister is a total opposite ... She's v quiet lol .. Me I talk so much my teacher always complain that she talks non stop .. And this occur since nursery ... So to continue .. When someone ask me ... What's my motto in life ? Or rather when I was young I ask myself what is my purpose in life ??
I told them and I tell myself everyday that my purpose in life is to make ppl happy , whether family, friends or strangers ... If they are happy I am happy :)
Thus I develop something that sometimes I myself cannot apprehen .. I know what it takes to pls ppl .. My personalities changes when I'm with different ppl ... I am a listening ear when there is something bothering you .. Cos I know how tough it is ... To contain everything inside ...
Many ppl may think ... This girl has nothing to do ? Why she want to go so much lenght for ? She's so hard to understand ... What is her personality ? Ask me directly ... I cannot answer you .. You hv to find out yourself ... As I am right now ..
1) So since this girl is constantly crazy n happy does she not hv troubles ?? The answer is yes !
2) is she seeking attention frm her parents since she's a middle child ?? Answer is no !! N yes !
I
3)is she crazy for doing this ?? Yes !
Hv I ever regret ever started this ?? Yes and no .
To answer the first question , yes I do hv alot of troubles ... I just don't really tell ppl .. Some ppl I know that hv good listening n constructive opinion I tell ... Most of the time I rather not .. Cos telling only resolve the problem abit but they never fade they always comes back and bit u at ur ass lol ... Personal experience .. And I know there are somethings that are not meant to be told cos it'll only brew more troubles !! So why tell ??I know the only one who has answer to solve my problems only reside in me... I will know what to do when time comes ... So what other troubles do I face ?? I'll name some ... Jealousy , controversy , taking things for granted ... N problems piled up ! Whether it's family or friends they occur everywhere!! So don't be too concern ... Haa ..

The answer to second question,
Yes ! At first .. Cos my brother is always cute n obedient in my mother eyes and in always unsure why I always get the scolding eventhough he started it ... So I was the typical jealous middle child .. But once ... My mum kiss me at my forehead to console me she'll be back ... Frm msia or something ...all my defences melts and I know my mum loves me ! :) so gradually my mum wasn't hm anymore bcos of lukemia ... It drained my father .. It drained us siblings in a way when we ask where is mummy he says that mummy is sick bcos she nv drink enough water ... Lol I believe him ... He cried silently while all of slp ...all he want us to do is take care of our school work and our health while he does the heavy lifting alone ... So who can I seek attention from when I know the best thing to do is not to give any prob to my family ?? Lol thus primary 2 -3 I studied by myself instead of regular twisting of my ear by my mum ... I do not seek pity frm anyone and neither do my family .. The last thing we need is pity ... So the answer is yes and no !! I guess this kinda push me to self studying n avoid asking question frm my Sis ... So in a way we all learnt from this turmoil ...

Question three ... And the later question to me is a combination ... Some ppl read this and doubt my personality when hanging out with them ... All of my personalities are true although sometimes I do admit faking it some time ...base on my judgement of certain scenario ... So I do regret bcos Its been sort of a burden to me now ... ESP when I get to know the reliance and taking for granted mode ... Ppl hv ... One thing I learn about friendship ESP on my birthday month is ppl still don't get my likes and dislikes ... I hv been compromising all my life but on my bday I still hv to compromise ... I feel tired ... I feel strain when I know that nt only October I can't rest I hv to do more work ... So if I flare at you , I guess now you know part of the reason... The rest is for u to fig out ... Anyway ... I'm not being cocky ... I'm just showing the tiredness when it comes to u guys of being a joker ... That's why when RAF n I bonded in the past we knew perfectly well the ugly side of it ... So when can a joker retire ?? Can this joker last forever ?? Nope definitely !! There is always truth behind the drawing of a tearing clown ... No clown is forever happy ... I know ppl like me happy .. But how long can I stay like this when u pile up things for me to clear?? Why can't I just ignore it ?? Just let it be ... If I ignore the perfect world ppl see crumbles .. Everyday I see ugly ... There is no such thing as a fairy tale ... And I ain't gonna bet on it coming to me ...

So what do you think ?? A joker isn't great at all isn't it ?? Lol !! Funny if u say so ... Jokers are mostly Sad and lonely personel ... One of the reason why i love to go out with myself or just watching movie with myself its nt being a loner ... I am nv alone ... I just love doing things getting in touch with myself w/o compromising lol... We may sometimes lose our faith In love( whether friendship family or bgr) We can only put our faith in our future partner where we can feel comfortable with .. Where I can show my real self to you ... So here's to all jokers :) don't let ppl laugh at u ... I understand the pain u are gg through if anyone needs a joker to joker conversation I gladly oblidge just don't take me for granted that's all ... Jack of all traits doesn't mean they hv no favourites lol
So cheers to all jokers ... The world is ugly ... I know the hard work you've put ...if u are ever tired I'll organize a joker's retreat isn't it great ? :D
No I am not self praising lol !! Although to some this might b a cocky and bhb post but this is my heart to heart post frm me to you ;) isn't that you want ?
Sign off !!
Leila , mun yeng foo

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Love u to death

If stalking means I love you too much to let you go , letting go means...I love you, u mean the world to me .. N now I hv to let you go to live the life u always wanted
Tat is true love ; letting go :)
Better than I love you to death tat is...
Cos we knew that we'll b grateful to one another when we meet at the other side of the world nt humming u killed me u selfish bastard ... Lol !! This is wat I learn frm a documentary today ;)

The Ugly Truth

When human beings are born, they only see things that are right in front of them ... such flaw ... So i guess here's the ugly truth huh ? I dont mean to talk about anyone here ... let's in general and keep an open mind yeah *wink ... so here goes ... As i have discovered on myself ... we began to be more and more competence as we grow... as a result more narrow minded . The big picture is hard to see... what we see are blinded by our mind and we see what we WANT to see not what they are... Once i was this girl.. too stucked in my own whole thinking the world is perfect and everyone likes me.... until I cried for days... when i remember yh telling me.. u dunno my classmate hate u for being so noisy and crazy .. I cried because there is a part of me asking why should ppl hate me when i didnt do anything to them ?? lol ! in a way or another.. i was in my comfort zone doing things i like ... and i didnt care about what others think ... I'm sorry ... if i jack arsed u :P
Who kicked me out ?

none other than the person i had a love hate relationship with ... Rafaee (erm did i spell correctly bud? ) lol dont get me wrong this is DEFINITELY not a love sick post... everytime when there are times i see the past me... I'm always thankful that i wasnt that person anymore (hopefully) although that time i think u are a bastard for criticizing me , pushing me and picking on my every behavior.. now that i think about it , u were right ! U are still right is it too late to thank u public-ally now ? many ppl may see u as a jack ass but they have No idea how much u did for me ... thank you for opening my eyes to teach me to see the picture ...
Yet again there is a down side to this... shss... its a secret .. ;)

When ppl say things so BAD about honestly u wouldnt appreciate now.. but later... when u see who u are now... u'll be thankful as i am... ultimately it lies with urself ... are u satisfied with where u are now ? where do u see urself ?

For now i wanna be as FAR as i can.. I am never satisfied... I want more in this life ... Until death I am gonna do all I can ... and if we ever meet up there at least i'll be glad with this life :D
Sign off !
Leila & Mun Yeng :D

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Work work

Late night ... Heavy rain ... WOOTs ! what a nice weather to sleep! but i can't ! Oh crap.. lol i have to finish this group report in lets just say 7 hours ?? 3000 words ... restructuring and putting the puzzle pieces ... My dear group mate always say that im super free... no exams... NOT FREE AT ALL HONEY !! not free at all ... i could have swear i would kill him if he said it on monday ... lol ! but instead he asked: "so leila, are you ok? " It shocked me for the moment ... ok as in my project or personal feelings? lol.. so i just replied ok bashfully cos i have no idea what else to say... So what if im not ok? no one can do anything about it except me right ?? lol ! stunner ... so now im stuck in puzzles... nv good at puzzles anyway i have to CAREFULLY plan and draft slowly instead of doing it straight away ... lol i am slow in progression... Stress.. I wish i can stay in bed... ARGH! Bolster ! you have a freaking good life ...
Anyway .. good news for tuesday is ... I AM GG to my FIRST English Concert !! woo hoo !! TayLOR Swift !! Feb 2011 thou... lol ! i could have swear my parents would kill me knowing the price i paid... so lets just keep it ... a open secret shall we? ;) (pinkie swear) Sneak peak on how good the seats are ??
1TICKET
Event:
TAYLOR SWIFT LIVE IN SINGAPORE 2011
Date:
Wed, 09 Feb 2011 07:30 PM
Venue:
Singapore Indoor Stadium
Seat:
A16, Row: 1, Seat(s): 1, 2,
Fantastic seats David got :D ahem i can use ur name here right David ? or do u prefer DK ? lol TJ might kill me lol ~ Fabulous seats ! Pray ... Taylor Swift ! please throw your guitar picks alright ? We paid a dear sum for ur concert tickets :D I hope you rock the 1 and a half hour ! Oh crap ! which means ... we have to eat early dinner! What do u wanna eat mr david? ur pick ... erm not too ex la ... until i know that im employed I dont mind .. just treat as a dinner from me before ur studies in Aussie and thanks

All the emotions before are sort of sedated by my flu medicine ... lol STRONG drowsy pill that after i took the med i have no more urge to think too much .. just hopes that my flu recover before the wedding! totally psych bout my friend's marriage ... although we weren't too close until we worked at Obriens where she'll and i swear she will wallop the whole bottle of chilli sauce in one lunch ! :D We washed plates... ate lunch and breakfast together ... those were good times working together at the sandwich bar... which reminds me of my favorite sandwich Turkey Ham and BREE !!! woo hoo ! Fab u should try their club sandwich too ! hungry yet? I'm not ! but i am craving for it ... so far... Saboten Pork loin sandwich is doing great at curbing my craving for Obriens sandwich :D so... til then we'll see where we can get them huh !
Sign off !!
Leila

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Should i say or should i not tell wat is bothering me ?

Something has been botherin the CRAP OUT OF ME .... and i cant put it here cos it UBER cowardly ... so help me if u will instead of feeling tired ... and dont seem to bother cos this is REALLY unbearable ~ SErious !

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Pissed

I wanna make myself clear here ... If ... U are unhappy ... Or wat so ever with me .. Come find me face to face .. I'll take ur punches .. If u ever fuck or humilate me in public , u hv to hv good reasons for it or ... Just call me I come take ur punches ... I'll take a cab okay ?! Those posting in blogs fb or cowardly way ... U can remain cowardly .. But I still wanna settle scores with u are u clear ?! Thanks !
Pissed off mun yeng

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Happy Birthday to me

Hi Mun Yeng ! ,
This is Leila Writing, Happy Birthday to you ! Even thou birthday week may not be a breeze to you and i know how much u hated it ... I hope you enjoyed ur day fully without any compromising done. Perhaps you may think that birthdays have no difference from any other day, but remember to give credit to those people who give u life ... ur mum and ur dad ... Birthdays are usually focus on the celebration of life... but remember those who gave u life ... so be happy for their sake and be thankful for the life that ur mum and dad has given you. Promise no matter how many obstacles u may face in ur life nv give up even though u dont see wat's ahead of you. love yourself, love your family, love your friends , love strangers. Never doubt who u are as u can be who you wanna be ..

Ps: im not crazy... its a post dedicated to myself haha !

sign off !
Leila